'End Fat Hatred' on Facebook

Please take the time to follow this link, to sign a petition to end fat hatred on Facebook. I realize I am unfashionably late to this party, but the petition is still active so hopefully I can be forgiven. This petition is in response to, among other tings, groups on Facebook taking pictures of people from the Fatosphere (without their permission), and putting them up to mock and ridicule. A notable example of a person this happened to was fancy lady Natalie of definatalie.com, who wrote a truly inspiring piece titled You can't bully me out of my skinny jeans in response to the person who took her picture. So, again, please do sign the petition!



Vær så snill å ta deg tid til å følge denne linken, og signer en underskriftskampanje for å få slutt på åpent hat av tjukke mennesker på Facebook. Jeg er klar over at jeg er drøyt sent ute med denne oppfordringen, men underskriftskampanjen er fortsatt aktiv så forhåpentligvis kan jeg tilgis. Denne kampanjen er, bl.a, en reaksjon til grupper på Facebook som har tatt bilder av mennesker fra Fett-o-sfæren (uten deres tillatelse), og lagt dem ut til latterliggjøring og utskjelling. Et prominent eksempel på et menneske dette skjedde med er den fancy damen Natalie fra definatalie.com, som skrev et virkelig inspirerende innlegg kalt "You can't bully me out of my skinny jeans" til svar på det som skjedde med henne. Så, igjen, vær så snille å skriv under på underskriftskampanjen.

"Triggering"

If you spend some time in the Fatosphere, maybe especially in the Fatshionista LJ community, you will become familiar with the word triggering. For example: "Click this link to read the rest of my post, as some of you may find it triggering." This triggering content may be a great number of things; in the Fatosphere painful tales of diets past are a frequent theme considered triggering, but by no means the only one. Other examples include talk of eating disorders, sexual assaults or strong body negativity. I have heard this culture of sheltering people from what might be triggering for them critisized, but I personally have always thought it a considerate and sensible thing to do, in a forum in which we strive to promote better relationships between people and their bodies. When I read a trigger warning, I know to go on reading with a more prepared mindset.

Hvis du tilbringer litt tid i Fett-o-sfæren, kanskje spesielt i Fatshionista LJ samfunnet, vil du etterhvert bli godt kjent med ordet "triggering", eller utløsende. Et eksempel: "Klikk på denne linken for å lese resten av innlegget, da noen av dere kan oppleve det som utløsende." Dette utløsende innholdet kan være mange forskjellige ting, i Fett-o-sfæren er smertefulle beretninger om tidligere slankekurer et tema som ofte anses som utløsende, uten at det på noen måte det eneste. Andre eksempler inkluderer snakk om spiseforstyrrelser, seksuelle overgrep, og negative samtaler om egne eller andres kropper formulert i sterke ordelag. Jeg har lest kritikk av denne kulturen hvor vi skjermer folk fra temaer de kan finne utløsende, men jeg personlig har alltid ansett det for en hensynsfull og fornuftig ting å gjøre i et forum hvor vi jobber for å bedre menneskers forhold til deres egne kropper. Når jeg lesser en "trigger warning" eller varsel om utløsende innhold, kan jeg lese videre med en litt endret mental innstilling.

What might be triggered was always fairly obvious to me, you would read something that would remind you of something in your own personal history which ended up triggering bad emotions, or you would read something that just plain hurt your feelings. But there's a third form of triggering content (maybe there's many more forms as well, it's just that I haven't discovered them yet), one that's much more sneaky and not so immediately painful. I discovered this while I was reading an opinion piece entitled Contempt For Fat People (again, I've had Google translate it from Norwegian to English for you, it won't be pretty, but it should be readable) by Lisbeth Nilsen. The piece itself was not the problem, it is in fact written by a woman who seems to be fat people positive, but I went on to read the comments. I know what you're saying: "Don't you know better than to read the comments on a piece that dares to express fat positive messages?! They're always filled with people who take advantage of the anonymity of the Internet to express their contempt for fat people in the most hurtful language possible!" Yes, as you've now guessed I did know that, but if I'm going to argue for Fat Acceptance in Norway I want to be prepared for the argument from the other side, and I knew I'd find it there. Therefore I put on my mental armor, lifted my shield high, and plowed through. And I really thought it worked, strangers on the Internet have only so much power to hurt me after all, and I had my armor on. I didn't notice the thoughts. The little creeping thoughts that snuck their way past my helmet and into my head. It wasn't what these people said you see, it was how they felt. Feeling that much disdain and contempt and hatred wash over you, leaves you, well me, wanting to change. So I was on my fourth or fifth page of comments, when one of the thoughts dared to be a little louder: "Maybe I should just lose some weight," it said. "50 lbs maybe? I could do that, and then these people wouldn't feel the way they feel about me. Getting through to them about FA is going to be that much harder if they just see me as a fatty trying to make up excuses for 'giving up'." Then I stopped reading to think about it, and don't think I immediately thought: "Leave my head, unhelpful thoughts! I am a fat accepting fatty, and you will find no mercy here!"
No, I thought: "Well, maybe I should -" And then I remembered who I am, because I am a fat accepting fatty, at least I am trying to be. Unfortunately, remembering this didn't bring with it some great way of shutting that inner voice up, the only thing I could think to do was to stop myself from seeing these hurtful messages, and before I thought about it my fingers hurried to close the browser window. I hurridly found an other occupation for my thoughts, as I knew I was in no emotional space to rationally think this through.

It was only later, when I was no longer feeling the feelings these comments had brought, that I realized that I had found a new version of triggering.

Hva som kunne utløses virket alltid ganske åpenbart på meg, du leste noe som minnet deg om noe i din personlige historie som igjen utløste vonde følelser, eller kanskje du leste noe som rett og slett såret følelsene dine. Men det finnes en tredje form for utløsende innhold (det er mulig det finnes mange flere former enn det, det er bare at jeg ikke har oppdaget dem enda), en form som er mye mer sleipt snikende og ikke så umiddelbart smertefull. Jeg oppdaget dette da jeg leste en kronikk med tittelen "Forakt for fete folk" av Lisbeth Nilsen. Kronikken i seg selv var ikke problemet, den er faktisk skrevet av en kvinne som virker som om hun er positiv til fete folk, men jeg bestemte meg for å lese kommentarene. Jeg vet hva du tenker: "Har du ikke bedre vett enn at du leser kommentarene på et innlegg som våger å uttrykke positive tanker om fete mennesker?! De er alltid fylt med mennesker som utnytter internetts anonymitet til å uttrykke forakt for feite mennesker i så sårende ordelag som mulig!" Jo, som du nå har gjettet så visste jeg det, men hvis jeg skal argunemtere for Fat Acceptance i Norge ønsker jeg å være forbedredt på den andre sidens argumenter, og jeg visste jeg kom til å finne dem der. Derfor tok jeg på meg den mentale rustningen min, løftet skjoldet høyt, og pløyde meg igjennom. Og jeg trodde virkelig at det funket, fremmede mennesker på internett har tross alt begrenset med kraft til å såre meg, og jeg hadde på meg rustningen min. Jeg merket ikke tankene. De små smygende tankene som snek seg forbi hjelmen og inn i hodet mitt. For selv om jeg var forberedt på hva disse menneskene sa, så var jeg ikke forberedt på hva de følte. Å føle så mye forakt og avsky og hat skylle over deg, etterlater deg, vel meg, med et behov for å endre meg. Jeg var på den fjerde eller femte siden med kommentarer, da en av tankene våget å være litt mer høyrøstet: "Kanskje jeg burde gå ned noe i vekt," sa den. "20 kg kanskje? Jeg kan gjøre det, og så vil ikke disse menneskene føle det slik for meg lenger. Å trenge igjennom til dem med et budskap om Fat Acceptance kommer til å være desto vanskeligere dersom de bare ser på meg som ei tjukkas som har funnet en unnskyldning for å "gi opp"." Jeg sluttet å lese for å tenke litt på det, og ikke tro at jeg umiddelbart tenkte: "Forlat hodet mitt, ubrukelige tanker! Jeg er en "fat accepting" tjukkas, og du vil ikke finne noen nåde her!"

Neida, jeg tenkte: "Vel, kanskje jeg burde..." Og så husket jeg hvem jeg er, fordi jeg er en "fat accepting" tjukkas, jeg prøver iallfall å være det. Desverre bragte ikke det at jeg husket dette med seg en effektiv måte å få den indre stemmen til å tie stille, det eneste jeg klarte å komme på å gjøre var å sørge for at jeg ikke lenger så disse sårende beskjedene, og før jeg tenkte over det fortet fingrene mine seg å lukke fanen. Jeg kjappet meg å finne noe nytt å tenkke på, siden jeg visste at jeg ikke følelsesmessig var klar for å tenke igjennom hva som hadde skjedd på en rasjonell måte.

Det var senere, da jeg ikke lenger følte følelsene kommentarene hadde bragt med seg, at det gikk opp for meg at jeg hadde oppdaget en ny versjon av utløsende.

Calling all Norwegian speakers, Scandinavians, and anyone else who might care what we call FA in Norway

I går var jeg på twitter da @definatalie twitret at inlegget hun hold på den første (årlige) australske "Fat Studies Conference" var lagt ut på hjemmesiden hennes. Jeg vet ikke hva det var for noe, men noe med å sitte der å se på henne mens hun holdt et innlegg om Fat Acceptance i det virkelige livet fikk meg til å tenke litt alvorlig på hvordan Fat Acceptance bevegelsen står i Norge. Er det en Fat Acceptance bevegelse i Norge? Jeg gjorde litt undersøkelser ved hjelp av Google og Kvasir, og det ser ut til at svaret er nei. Her bør jeg kanskje nevne at en av artiklene jeg leste i forbindelse med mitt søk på Kvasir var "Hva gir tynne mennesker rett til å fordømme meg, selv om jeg er tjukk?". Grunnen til at dette bør nevnes, er at etter at jeg leste denne artikkelen virket det nærmest umulig å tenke: "Jaja, så finnes det ingen Fat Acceptance bevegelse i Norge, ikke mitt problem."
Så dette er mitt forsøk på å bidra til en (forhåpentligvis spirende) Fat Acceptance bevegelse i Norge, ved å ta tak i det første spørsmålet: Hva skal denne bevegelsen hete?

Hvis bevegelsen allerede har et navn, VÆR SÅ SNILL og fortelle meg det i en kommentar, og anse det som unødvendig å lese resten av dette innlegget.

Jeg føler veldig sterkt at vi ikke kan kalle det "Fat Acceptance", da dette ikke, etter min mening, er en god måte å nå den gjennomsnittlige nordmann. Men først, skal vi holde oss til Fat Acceptance? Eller skal vi gå for Size Acceptance, eller kanskje Body Acceptance? Her hadde jeg satt stor, stor pris på innspill fra mer erfarne Fat Acceptance aktivister enn meg!
Mer spesifikt, skal vi kalle det "fett aksept"? "Fedme aksept" (høres litt vel klinisk ut for meg, på linje med "obese")? "Fet aksept"? "Feit aksept" (personlig er jeg litt svak for denne)? "Tjukk aksept"? "Tjukkas aksept" (jeg har lest det beskrevet som "tjokkas aksept" på svensk)? Skal vi kanskje snu det på hodet litt og gå for "aksept av fett" e.l? Hva med "kropps aksept"? "Størrelses aksept"?

Jeg er virkelig utrolig interessert i tankene deres her, felles tjukkaser og allierte! Hvis dere ikke har lyst/kan kommentere her kan jeg nås på musingsfromthesoapbox@gmail.com eller @wicked_cakes på twitter. Jeg har også skrevet et liknende innleg i Fatshionista LJ samfunnet, så du kan kommentere der.

Til slutt, er det et annet forum du føler jeg burde spurt dette spørsmålet i?


Yesterday I was on twitter when @definatalie tweeted that her speech from the first (annual) Australian Fat Studies Conference had been posted to her blog. I don't know what it was, but something about sitting there watching her give a speech on Fat Acceptance in real life got me thinking somewhat seriously about where the Fat Acceptance movement stands i Norway. Is there a Fat Acceptance movement in Norway? I did some research with the help of Google and Kvasir, and the answer seems to be no. Here I should perhaps mention one of the articles I read during my Kvasir search was "Hva gir tynne mennesker rett til å fordømme meg, selv om jeg er tjukk?" ("What gives thin people the right to judge me, though I am fat?" I got Google to translate the article for those of you who don't read Norwegian.) The reason why this should be menioned, is that after I read this article it seemed almost impossible to think: "So there's no Fat Acceptance movement in Norway, not my problem."
So this is my attempt at contributing to a (hopefully growing) Fat Acceptance movement in Norway, by addressing the first question: What should this movement be called?

If the movement already has a name , PLEASE tell me what it is in a comment, and consider reading the rest of this post unnecessary.

I feel very strongly that we can't call it "Fat Acceptance", as this is not a good way of reaching the avrerage Norwegian person, imo. But first, should we stick with Fat Acceptance? Or should we go for Size Acceptance, or maybe Body Acceptance? On this point I would appreciate some input from more seasoned Fat Acceptance activists so incredibly much!
More spesifically, should we call it "fett aksept"? "Fedme aksept" (sounds a little too clinical to me, along the lines of "obese")? "Fet aksept"? "Feit aksept" (personally I have a weakness for this one)? "Tjukk aksept"? "Tjukkas aksept" (I have read it described as "tjokkas aksept" in Swedish)? Should we twist it around a bit and go for "aksept av fett" or something like it? How about "kropps aksept"? "Størrelses aksept"?

I am truly tremendously interested in your thoughts on this subject, my fellow fatties and allies! If you don't feel like/can't comment on here I can be reached at musingsfromthesoapbox@gmail.com, or @wicked_cakes on twitter. I have also written a post similar to this in the Fatshionista LJ community, so you can comment on there.

Lastly, is there an other forum in which you feel I should ask this question?

It's not about my health! Part II

'It's not about my health!' becomes a series with a repost from The Philosophy Of Fat.

A guest post by Karen: From the other side of 'acceptable'

For seven years, I have alternated between suffering and recovering from anorexia nervosa. While I have never been overweight, I have been confronted by many people about various weights, ranging from 6st7 to 9st7. These people have included family, friends, acquaintances, but also, perhaps surprisingly, strangers. I have had raging arguments with parents (“it’s not attractive”), friends who have grabbed my bottom, or lack thereof, and informed me that I’m too thin. I have had strangers in the street shout at me to eat a burger, and point me in the direction of the nearest eating disorders clinic as a hilarious joke with their friends. Perhaps most hurtful of all of this was a supposed friend coming to me in the college toilets, lifting my jumper and pulling my jeans to expose my ribs, concave stomach and hipbones to her friends, to prove that I was “too thin” as she’d told them.

The strange thing about all of this is, while I have strived for and achieved that UK size 2 (US 00) frame where knickers only stay up because they can be hung on protruding hipbones, this never made me happy. I openly admit that I did feel achieved when I could no longer buy clothes, with adult clothes being too big and children’s being too short and yes, I did feel achieved as I lost more and more weight. For years, losing weight has been my goal but at many times during these seven years, it has been my life.

However, I am now a UK size 6 (US 2) and, while the days of endless dieting and obsessive exercise do not seem as though they are a thing of the distant past, I am a healthy weight and shape. One would assume from this that I am a much healthier person, but this assumption couldn’t be much further from the truth. While my healthy 9st body and my 28F chest give me a curvy, womanly shape, and while I eat regularly and I am more confident, this does not mean I am healthy. I smoke 20 roll-ups a day. I don’t run unless I’m going to miss the metro and, if I do that, I practically need resuscitating upon entrance to the train. At the same time, my boyfriend’s weight is exactly double my own, making him technically obese but, while the BMI charts all do battle with him trying to make him eat less and get more exercise, I spend time doing battle with him myself, simply to get him away from his weight bench! Of the two of us, he is far healthier and sets a fine example of how healthy one can be at a higher weight. I, however, work more as a terrible warning of the opposite issue!

While this has, so far, been a message of how unhealthy one can be when slim, I do not mean to suggest that one must be curvy to be healthy. For me, it is a question of balance - a balanced diet in which one nourishes one’s body, and a daily routine that keeps the body active but not exhausted. This balance is something I have not yet struck, but I intend to once I have come to be more comfortable with the sudden arrival of my bust and my bottom. If I led a healthier lifestyle, however, I would lose weight and that in turn would lead me back to the same situation of people passing me in the street and feeling that they have a right to comment on my shape. For me, then, and for many others, this situation becomes catch 22. I lose weight because I am leading a healthy lifestyle; I gain weight to please others by fulfilling a certain ideal of appearance. There is no point at which I am acceptable. Why?

The issue that few seem to consider is this: commenting on the appearances of others in a negative way is NOT polite, acceptable or necessary - rather, it is rude and it is damaging. By telling someone thin to go and eat something fattening, one will not inspire them to gain weight, just the same as telling someone fat to put down their pasty will not encourage them to lose weight. No one should be made to feel ashamed of their appearance but, furthermore, are the people who wish to comment in this fashion not being rather shallow? I am no more or less happy, successful or loved at this weight than I was at any other. Those who care about the person inside don’t care about the person outside but, those who do care about the outer “beauty” are often the ones with the power to make the individual miserable and lonely.

A call to sleeves!

Valerie of Blog To Be Alive

I went shopping in a brick and mortar store on Tuesday. While the selection was far too 'old' for my tastes, it made me reflect on a few things. At any given time in a store targeting plus sized women there are women there who are unhappy with their bodies, some of them deeply and profoundly so. Often I hear a woman trying something on, and telling the sales person that she is just happy to find something that fits. Heck, I've said that, probably more than once. This knowledge makes me so sad. I don't want fat women to have to settle for being happy to find something that fits. I want them to be able to buy clothes they feel good in, and that make them feel good about themselves. But the reality is that a lot of them know of no other way of existing than despising their bodies, and buying clothes that are no more than ok, either because that's all they find, or because they'll save buying the clothes they really want until they have the body they are 'supposed' to have.

I have honestly thought of handing out pamphlets with the addresses to the Fatshionista LJ community, and a Fat Rant or two on it. Unfortunately I have a feeling implying that they're fat wouldn't be that welcome, and would make them disregard anything else that was being said. And then there's the fact that I'd have to convince the store managers it's a good idea.

In lieu of these more drastic ideas, I have found an other approach: Every time I go to a fat people's store I dress up. I put on something I love wearing, and that proves without a doubt that just because I'm a fat chick doesn't mean I can't look (my version of) stylish and beautiful. And right now I am asking you to do the same, assuming you're fat, of course. Think about it; this might be the place you go with the most fat people gathered in one place, here there's a real chance of affecting someone. Wouldn't it be great if a few years from now, some fat woman you don't know is sitting around telling her friends about how her journey to self-love and body acceptance started when she saw this beautiful/trendy/cute/rockin' looking girl in a store for fat girl's clothes? Even if you don't end up changing someone's life, wouldn't it be awesome to walk around knowing you are walking talking 'fatspiration'? Please join me in this attempt to change fat people's lives, one shopping trip at a time!

Ash Foxglove of Owls Are Raptors!

Find a bra that fits

This post was conceived while I was reading the comments to the post named Some Meandering Thoughts About Bra-Shopping: Why Fashion Really Is A Line In The Sand over The Rotund.

My bra size is 85I. That's right I. If European bra sizes confuse you, that's about a US/UK 38G/H. With this, I am wearing one of those sizes that are mentioned when people talk about boobs that are "scary big". Because, while it is obviously a crime to have too small breasts in our society, they should not be too large either. How fun. Now, are my breasts really "scary big"? I don't think so. Sure, they are large, but they fit the rest of my body. I don't actually stop people in the streets with them, is what I'm saying.
But this isn't what I want to talk about. I want to talk about something that a lot of people seem to associate with large brasts, and that is back pain. As shocking as this may be to some people, I don't experience boob related back pain. In spite of this, it has been suggested to me a couple of times that I might consider breast reduction surgery. Please take a moment to ponder how fucked up that is.
All surgery has risks, of course. What I didn't know until recently, however, was how many malpractice cases involve breast reduction surgeries (NSFW). Out of 116 cases wherein the patients were awarded damages, 51 of them were breast reduction surgeries. By telling you this I am honestly not trying to scare you out of having breast reduction surgery, if that is what's right for you. What I am trying to say, is find a bra that fits. You see, the only time my breasts have caused me back pain, was wen I was wearing a truly shoddy bra. And so many women seem to be wearing the wrong bra size. If you are carrying a bit of a heavy load, as some of us fatties are, the situation might get unbearable pretty quickly.

I would recommend getting fitted at a place that specializes in underwear (here they usually carry a broader range of sizes as well). The advantage of these places, in addition to the knowledge they, hopefully, possess, is that the women who work there have been picked partly because they are the kind of people whom other people wouldn't mind too much getting undresed in front of. After you have been told what your correct bra size is, make sure to try at least one on in that size. The people who work there aren't infallable, after all. Lastly, remember that you dont have to buy anything. These places are usually pretty expensive, and if you can't afford it you can't afford it.
If getting fitted isn't a possibility for you, or is something you just can't bring yourself to do, you can try to do it yourself. There are several how-to guides on this subject online, unfortunately I can't recommend any of them as I haven't tried it myself. Oh, and remember that the band is supposed to be tight. The rule of thumb is that you should be able to fit two fingers underneath it, but not much more.

To help you find a bra that fits, I'm ending this post with a few resources for any other Hooty McBoob's out there:
Dessous XXL - You can have Google translate for you, if your German is rusty.
Bravissimo - I have bought from them several times, and have mostly very good experiences.
Freya, Fantasie and Panache - Three brands that carry larger cup sizes.
Enell - The fabled fatty sports bra.
Looking for a sports bra - Post on the Fatshionista LJ community with many handy suggestions in comments.

More for me

Something we talk about quite a lot in the Fatosphere is fat and attraction. The fact that we are not trying to force everyone to find fat attractive. That we don't really care whether or not this or that person is attracted to fat people. And the fact that the people who are attracted to fat people are in no way, shape or form freaks.
I myself am not a natural Fat Admirer. If you allowed me to pick the body type of the future Mr. Right before I met him, he might end up looking spookily like Gerard Butler in 300 (yes, I know a lot of that is make-up). But something else is in my nature as well; I just don't care all that much. I have one 'look requirement' that I care about, apart from that I genuinly feel, however clichéd it might sound, that beauty comes from within. That being said, being a self-loathing fatty did affect the way I saw other fatties. I think it is nearly impossible to buy into society's messages on how bad fat people are, and only apply them to yourself. With this I arrive at a rather pleasant side-effect of having embraced Fat Acceptance; having more dating options. The number of fish in the sea I'd be happy to catch has grown fatter, if you will.

What about you? Has FA changed how you view the fish in the sea, the way it (hopefully) has changed your view of yourself?